“Eyes open and eyes closed” for family peace

Maintaining marital happiness after many years of living together requires understanding, listening and tolerance from both parties. Photo: Contributor

Love is emotion, marriage is responsibility

After days of peaceful love, married life appears with all the conflicts, differences, and opposite habits... Then, there are times that make many people wonder: "Have I chosen the right person?".

People who have been married for many years agree that when in love, people easily overlook each other's shortcomings; but when married, all the dark corners are exposed under the light of responsibility. A man who is gentle when in love, can be a hot-tempered person when he becomes a husband. A gentle girl when in love, can become a busy, grumpy mother after staying up all night because of her child's fever. And these changes make many people dizzy.

Having had high expectations for her life partner, after a few years of marriage, Ms. TN (An Hoa Hai commune, Tuy An district) began to feel disillusioned. She said: “My husband used to be a very gallant and responsible man, but after getting married, he seemed to have become a different person. I gradually realized that he was also patriarchal, jealous and burdened with a large family. These things made me change from a carefree, thoughtless, gentle person to a tough, thorny person.”

Being neighbors, admiring MK's diligence, hard work and gentle appearance, Ms. TH (Hoa Vinh ward, Dong Hoa town) did not hesitate to agree to marry him when she was 20 years old. She thought she understood her husband completely, but after getting married, she realized that he was indeed diligent, hard-working, and gentle, but he had a bit of gambling and a passion for alcohol. His salary as a truck driver was not low, but every month, he only gave her a small amount of living expenses, and the rest was used to pay off debts. "I don't know how many times I took my child back to my mother's house with the thought of getting a divorce. Luckily, my parents live nearby and are well-off, so my small family could rely on him during difficult times. If it weren't for my biological parents' support, I don't think I could continue this marriage," Ms. TH confided.

Marriage and family experts believe that love is an emotion, a vibration between two people, while marriage is a long-term commitment, a legal and responsible bond. Many people become disillusioned after marriage not because they no longer love, but because they do not understand that love and marriage are two different worlds . In particular, the decisive factor for the sustainability of a marriage is not how much love is, but how the couple reconciles their differences.

Love each other, let go

Married life cannot avoid conflicts and clashes due to differences in views, lifestyles, pressures, personal responsibilities, etc. If one side is critical and refuses to give in, the risk of a rift is very high. However, if you take a step back, look at things with tolerance and sympathy, all conflicts can be resolved.

In the book “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”, author John Gray pointed out the differences between women and men. For example, women need to be listened to, cared for and looked after; meanwhile, men are very practical, preferring action over romantic words… In reality, not to mention bad habits, in married life, each person is inherently different, with their own strengths and weaknesses, so to go together for a long time, in addition to love, sympathy, tolerance and forgiveness are also needed.

According to journalist, writer Hoang Anh Tu, a psychologist, a frequent guest consultant on topics related to school, parenting and family, we can be tolerant of unintentional mistakes; we can be tolerant of mistakes in marriage. And for tolerance to have value, couples need to establish principles in life.

Like Ms. TN, because of love, later she tried to understand her husband's responsibility as the only son in the family. Because of love, she learned to accept and listen; tried to share so that her husband understood that in addition to the big family, the small family is also very important. "Marrying a man with many responsibilities, I clearly had to accept that I would have to work harder and sacrifice more. However, I know that my husband loves and is responsible for his family, so I learned to choose the important things to keep and the small things to ignore," Ms. TN shared.

As for Ms. TH, as the children grew up, her husband also had positive changes. Although there were still conflicts in the family, when angry, instead of arguing with her husband, she chose to avoid him or meet close friends to confide. “Many times I asked myself whether I should continue this marriage? But thinking back, in the role of a father, my husband loves and cares for the children very much. As a husband, he has never raised his voice at his wife. He has also tried to pay off his debts. When his daughter went to university, he was very happy and gave up most of his bad habits. Now, that is okay,” Ms. TH confided.

“Eyes open, eyes closed”, “forgetting what is wrong”, being more tolerant, knowing how to restrain, and making concessions to each other are the common secrets to help many happy couples keep their home peaceful. However, giving in and letting go here does not mean that anything is fine, anything can be let go, but rather choosing a way to behave so that the problem is resolved most satisfactorily and still maintains harmony towards the common, greater goal of family peace.

Source: https://baophuyen.vn/hon-nhan-gia-dinh/202505/mat-nham-mat-mo-de-gia-dinh-duoc-binh-yen-f263ee7/