Family, the first teacher of every person
Mr. Nguyen Thanh Cong (teacher, Hanoi ) shared, on November 20, many parents said "everything depends on the teacher". But the truth is: Before going to class, children have learned from another school, that is the family. There is no blackboard, no chalk, no oral tests, but that is where personality, habits, discipline, behavior, and how to face life are formed.
Children with good discipline, self-study, goal setting… are often children who grow up in a disciplined family. On the contrary, a house full of scolding creates children who are quick-tempered and vulnerable. The saying “parents give birth to children, God gives them their personalities” easily makes people give up, consider their children’s personalities as “God-given”, good or bad, they have to accept. In fact, modern psychology shows that children learn by imitation. Even before they can read, children learn how to speak, how to laugh, how to get angry, how to love… through what they see every day in their family.
A child growing up in a home where parents often read books, talk gently, and respect each other will likely develop the habit of reading, listening, and respecting each other. On the contrary, a home filled with yelling, lying, and violence will reflect on the child's temper, deceit, and rudeness. The family is the first and biggest mirror that a child looks into to define what life is like.
Even seemingly “innate” qualities such as willpower and perseverance are nurtured every day through the way parents face difficulties. When children fail, if parents calmly analyze their mistakes with their children and encourage them to try again, the child will learn that falling is a normal part of life. If parents complain about their fate and blame circumstances, the child will also get used to thinking “God created me, that’s my destiny”, and easily give up in the face of challenges.
Therefore, it cannot be said that personality is a random gift of fate. It is the result of a whole process of family education , of thousands of repetitions of behaviors, words, and attitudes that adults show in front of children.
Meanwhile, according to Mr. Nguyen Thanh Cong, many parents believe that: "Good school - good teacher - that's enough". But the truth is not simple. A child who grows up strong is the resonance of three factors: Family guidance and companionship. Understanding the child, respecting the differences, not comparing with "other people's children". Adults must know what the child is good at, what is weak, what is needed to develop. Not blaming, not avoiding, knowing how to rise up, knowing how to take responsibility. And the school has good, dedicated teachers who guide. But teachers are only guides. The person who walks is still the student. The person who prepares the longest luggage is still the family.
Master Nguyen Pham Khanh Van, who has 20 years of experience as a parent, shares her parenting method that combines Eastern and Western approaches. She said: “I never use violence against my children. I choose to support and accompany them.” Her three sons: 20, 15 and 10 years old are well-behaved, loving, and independent. What she learned from the West is: parents spend a lot of time with their children. After school, when children come home, parents cook together, do housework, play sports , and chat. Children are encouraged to explore their interests and experiment with their dreams.
A child wanted to be a YouTuber, so she took him to the supermarket to make a video. A 10-year-old child folded his wallet and sold it. She was happy and supported him. A child wanted to be a chef, so she let him cook many dishes. She said: “A happy child is a successful child.”
Japan, a country famous for its discipline and sophistication, has built an education system based on kindness and compassion from a very young age. Children are taught to cherish life by caring for small creatures: kittens, rabbits, goldfish, sparrows… In school, children are assigned to take turns caring for the class pets. A familiar saying of Japanese parents: “It is understandable to admire the strong, but standing on the side of the weak shows a beautiful soul”.
Control your emotions, it will not lead to violence
Teacher Duong Quang Minh, a child education expert and founder of the community “Raising Children in Happiness”, believes that school violence stems from two things: anger and fear. Both are sown in the family.
When parents impose, oppress, and yell, two groups of children will form: One group is "obedient", resigned, silent, and suppresses emotions. The other group explodes, venting anger on objects, friends, and even themselves. When children are afraid of something that their parents avoid or forbid, that fear stays forever, never to be resolved.
So, according to Mr. Minh, the right way to teach children is to help them not bully anyone and not let anyone bully them. To do so, parents must be the first to not use power to oppress their children. Do not use yelling to teach them how to love. Do not use fear as a teaching tool. A strong child is one who knows how to look straight at the person who insults them and say: "You are wrong", instead of bowing their head and avoiding it.
According to Master Minh, emotions need to be released for the heart to grow healthily. Emotions, if “blocked”, will explode. Violence, deviation, hurt… all originate from unrelieved emotions. A child who knows how to breathe, calm down, and name his emotions will not choose violence. He will choose dialogue, choose love.
Writer Hoang Anh Tu, when he was still holding the column of Mr. Chanh Van at Hoa Hoc Tro Newspaper, shared that the more we read the confidences of the children who sent them, the letters that now, after 20 or 25 years, they must have become adults, have families, have children, or at least have gone through the ups and downs of life, the more we see clearly: growing up is not an easy process.
How could it not be painful when those children were forced to step out of their rosy world to encounter the first deceptions, to face things beyond their understanding. Disillusionments, disappointments, breakdowns - all are "procedures" that life forces anyone to go through. Some people changed their path because of a small incident. Some people, because of a few words in their teenage years, carried a wound in their hearts that lasted until later. And there were many children back then who grew up... alone. In the letters they sent home, the person they trusted the most, sometimes not their parents, but Chanh Van, the only person willing to listen, without judgment.
Because we adults are so caught up in our children's weight, grades, health, and obedience, we forget the most important thing: accompanying our children through the pain of a caterpillar shedding its skin to become a butterfly.
Many successful children later have parents who have grown up with them, understand their emotional world, live with their biological rhythms, think like a 13-15 year old child, and do not apply the wise lessons of experienced people. Because the experience of adults never “reduces the pain” for children, sometimes it even makes them hurt more.
When we think about preventing violence, we often think about laws, procedures, and school responsibilities. But the roots of change start with the little things: a timely hug, a non-judgmental conversation, a family that listens and shows restraint.
Schools may be places where intelligence is cultivated, but families are where character is shaped. A happy education cannot exist when children are hurt in silence or in storms and poison. And there can be no safe school if the family is a place where the seeds of fear, violence and repression are sown...
Recently, many consecutive cases of child abuse in localities have shocked public opinion, raising urgent demands for child protection in families, schools and cyberspace.
On October 20, Ha Tinh Provincial Police arrested Nguyen Van Nam (born in 1994, residing in Co Dam Commune) to investigate the act of "Intentionally causing injury". Out of anger because his wife's stepchild did not answer as he wanted, Nam used his hands, a wooden stick and a hammer to hit the 9-year-old girl many times, causing serious head injuries. In Bac Ninh, Nghia Phuong Commune Police promptly rescued a 4-year-old girl who was hung from the ceiling by her own father with a cloth rope. The mother received a text message with a picture of her daughter hanging, reported it to the police and helped the authorities intervene before the consequences occurred.
In An Giang, a clip recording a woman repeatedly grabbing the hair and beating a 6-year-old girl went viral on October 27, causing outrage in the community. The woman is Ms. Vo Tuyet Vang, whose family left her child to care for. Unable to contact the child's father and with child support interrupted, Ms. Vang confessed that she was angry and assaulted her...
Statistics for the two years 2023 - 2024 show that more than 5,560 cases of domestic violence were recorded, mainly physical and mental violence. Notably, on average, about 5 cases of students fighting still occur every day.
National Assembly delegate Nguyen Thanh Cam (Dong Thap) pointed out: Many cases of violence stem from family pressure, lack of attention and listening from parents, while the online environment is where children are easily provoked and enticed. Ms. Cam proposed to strictly implement Directive No. 02 of the Prime Minister on preventing and combating school violence; affirming that families, schools and society need to coordinate closely to protect students. Parents must be role models of peaceful behavior; schools must build "happy schools"; management agencies must strengthen monitoring of violent content online...
Source: https://baophapluat.vn/tre-em-can-lon-len-duoi-nep-nha-bao-dung-ngoai-canh-cua.html
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