Heal your wounds

Dear Ms. Ha Anh!

My husband and I have been married for more than ten years but have been unable to have children. We went to many large and small hospitals for examination and were diagnosed with poor health, making it difficult to conceive. Therefore, I was under a lot of pressure from my husband's family and everyone around me. Although it was difficult to have children, my husband always loved me and was determined to get treatment to have children soon. Finally, great joy came, I gave birth to two healthy, handsome sons.

I thought the joy was complete, but now I discovered that my husband had a 3-year-old child. I was shocked and heartbroken because I always trusted him. Through text messages and evidence of multiple transfers to a woman, he confessed everything. He asked for my forgiveness and wanted to take the child home to raise. I was even sadder because my husband's whole family supported him when he made this decision.

I didn’t agree so we argued and had a “cold war” for a while. I was afraid that because of the baby, the two of us would have an excuse to be together. But the more tense the family atmosphere becomes, the more stifling it becomes, and it doesn’t make him change. I love my husband and don’t want our family to fall apart. I’m so confused right now, I don’t know whether to forgive or stop?

Thanh Hang (Dong Phu)

Dear Thanh Hang!

As a woman, anyone in my situation would be very distressed if they were unfortunately infertile. However, my husband and I have always been together and determined to treat each other for more than ten years to have children. And now all our efforts have been rewarded when I gave birth to two healthy, beautiful children.

The fact that your husband has a child out of wedlock is a fact, you cannot change it. The important thing is to face reality and find a reasonable solution to the problem. Give yourself some time to calm down and look back at things. When your mind is stable, you will see the problem clearly and know how to overcome this pain. If you keep thinking negatively, it will easily lead to postpartum depression, affecting your ability to raise children.

My husband and I have spent more than ten years treating infertility. This may also be the reason why he is frustrated and goes out to find a child. If he is having an affair just because he wants a child, then you should accept and love this child. It is understandable that your husband wants to take the child back to raise. Because that is the responsibility of a father. If you forbid it, he will secretly go see the child and the child's mother. So let him fulfill his duty as a father.

In a love triangle, you should tell your husband clearly about your point of view and set certain limits. If you choose to forgive your husband, you should be responsible for his child. Tolerance and forgiveness are the best ways to solve the problem with your husband. Talk to your husband and the other woman about the child custody agreement. If she chooses to raise the child, you and your husband should agree to pay a monthly allowance for the child. If she gives the child to her husband to raise and agrees to end the relationship with you, then you should accept it.

Your children are still young, think positively, take care of yourself to have the health to raise your children. Heal the inner wounds with love and care for your children. The next time you live together will be the answer for you whether to continue or stop. I wish you the strength to overcome this difficulty.

Source: https://baobinhphuoc.com.vn/news/258/173121/tu-chua-lanh-nhung-ton-thuong