The Road to Becoming a Lawyer for a Hmong Girl Who Was Captured as a Wife Three Times

YEN BAI - The third time a stranger "pulled his wife", Sung Thi So intended to jump off the cliff but was afraid of getting injured and not being able to take the university entrance exam.

The 18-year-old girl's plan nearly four years ago was to wait until nightfall and escape from the house of the person who kidnapped her. But her phone was confiscated, there were no lights around, and the road was full of cliffs, so the plan failed. To avoid being abused, Sister stayed up two nights even though they forced her and even beat her. When she managed to call her parents and convince the family of the "wife-puller" to take her home, Sister still did not believe in her luck because no girl in the village had ever been kidnapped and returned.

A few months later, Sung Thi So, born in 2002, from Tran Yen district, passed the entrance exam to Hanoi Law University with a score of 28.5. In the same year, she was awarded the award for the best ethnic minority student of the 2020-2021 school year.

"After being forced to marry three times, I was determined to study Law. I want girls from remote areas like me to go to school, be respected and have freedom to choose their marriage," she said.

Sung Thi So at the high school graduation ceremony of the 2020-2021 school year. Photo: Character provided

Sung Thi So was the second child in a farming family of five children. Her family was poor and there was not enough food to eat, so from a very young age she learned to work in the fields, sew and embroider her own clothes. At the age of six, every day So traveled nearly ten kilometers of mountain roads to the forest to raise pigs. There were days when she came home late from school, and when she arrived it was almost midnight and she had to sleep in the forest.

Working hard but the family's income only depended on corn and cassava from the fields, so the eldest sister had to quit school early. Once, the teacher came to the house to collect 70,000 VND in tuition but there was no money to pay, so the parents wanted to let Sister quit like her. The teacher saw this and encouraged her, saying that if Sister studied well, she could help the family escape poverty in the future.

"Hearing the words 'escape poverty' made me even more determined to go to school," Sister recalls. Every day, she woke up early, quickly finished all the housework, and then took out her books to study. Seeing her daughter working hard and always being at the top of her class, her parents looked at each other and encouraged her, "If she is so eager to study, adults must also try hard."

Despite being a good student and passing the entrance exam to the district boarding school, So still became a victim of the "wife-pulling" custom in the Mong community in Tran Yen, Yen Bai .

In 8th grade, while on a spring outing, So was dragged away by a strange boy from a neighboring village. Luckily, she escaped with the help of her neighbors. The second time, before entering 10th grade, she was again dragged back by a boy from another village to be his wife. This time, So was rescued by a young man in the village, although a friend was later seriously stabbed.

"The scariest time was the third time, before the high school graduation exam. That time, my wife was kidnapped and almost took away my future," she recalled.

In May 2020, when the Covid-19 social distancing order began, the girl was studying at home when two strange boys came and asked her to go out. She immediately refused because she knew they had asked about her. Seeing that no one was home, the two men forced her and dragged her onto a motorbike. Her phone was confiscated and she was stuck between the two men, unable to struggle or resist.

Knowing that she was once again forced to be a wife, on the way there, So often considered jumping out of the car and running down a cliff. But thinking that if she fell, she would get injured and it would affect her upcoming high school graduation and university entrance exams, she had no choice but to sit still and wait for an opportunity.

The opportunity came on the second day when the mother of the "wife-puller" sent her son to spray pesticides in the rice field. At this time, Sister asked to go along because she knew the road to the field was near the national highway, giving her a chance to run away. She also asked for her phone back with the excuse of calling the school to check the schedule after the social distancing period. When she was satisfied, when she left the house, the girl hid in a corner and called her father, saying that she did not agree with this marriage.

For the Mong people, when a daughter is "pulled for a wife", the parents will have to comply with the groom's family. However, seeing how much So wanted to go to school, her father called the other family to persuade them to bring their daughter back home under the pretense of "discussing the marriage". After returning home safely, So was determined not to return to the house of the person who kidnapped her, even though she was repeatedly threatened.

Sung Thi So is a delegate of UNICEF's Youth Pioneers initiative in 2023. Photo: Character provided

Having been "dragged" for a wife three times but still not getting married, So was gossiped about and even scorned by the villagers. They thought she was a worthless daughter, and that no one would care about her in the future. Some even scolded So's parents for being foolish for letting their daughter study so hard and not being able to help the family because she would have to get married in the future.

During that time, So did not dare to step out of the house. She stayed up many nights, partly because she felt sorry for her parents, partly because she felt sorry for herself because she could not decide her own life. There were times when the girl wanted to find poison ivy to end it, but then she was not willing.

"For years, I have longed to go to school, and I cannot give up because of temporary difficulties," she told herself. If no one dared to take the lead, there would be no change. In the end, the desire to go to school was still greater than the fear of criticism or contempt from others.

Pulling herself together, So threw herself into studying for her university entrance exams. She used to want to be a teacher, but now she aspires to become a lawyer to help disadvantaged women like herself.

After entering university, in order to have money to study and live in the capital, Sister worked 3-4 jobs at the same time. Every day, she woke up at 5am to study and then go to school. The rest of the time, she did all kinds of jobs, from maid, cleaner to office work. This girl's day only ended late at night. With the money she earned, in addition to paying for her own tuition, Sister also sent money home to support her two younger brothers who were in high school.

Seeing Sister working non-stop, her friends often jokingly call her "superwoman". Her university classmate Tran Thi Thao often asked: "Working so hard, do you feel tired?" and received the answer: "You have to try 10 times harder than the others, you know that".

"Not only going to school and working, Sister also participates in many activities to protect women's and children's rights. She does everything very actively and wholeheartedly," Thao commented.

During her four years as a student, Sung Thi So participated in many different activities. She was one of two Vietnamese representatives at the Asia- Pacific Conference on Child Marriage Prevention and one of 15 Southeast Asian members of the Spark Fund of the Global Fund for Children. In addition, she was also a delegate to conferences such as: The United Nations Children's Fund's Youth Pioneers Initiative; the United Nations Youth Roundtable on Development.

With her efforts, the Mong girl won a scholarship from the German government for poor students who overcome difficulties.

Sung Thi So at her graduation thesis defense ceremony in December 2023. Photo: Provided by the character

From a girl who only lived in the village and on the fields, Sister has now traveled to many places around the world and presented social activities to international friends. This is something she herself admitted she "never dared to think about before".

This girl's future goal is to become a lawyer protecting the rights of women and children, especially women in the highlands - who rarely leave their communities.

Although the road ahead is still full of difficulties because she has to take care of her family's finances, Sung Thi So always affirms: "Just keep going steadily, there will be a way ahead."

Hai Hien - Vnexpress.net

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