Fragrance of Love - Long An Online Newspaper

Illustration: Internet

See you again

Fate is easy to ignore

Collecting so many memories

If we miss the village, we will weave love poems!

The old love story is like a passing wind. Looking back at the past, the youthful years are gone... At that time, I was seventeen and Thao Linh was sixteen. We were in the same school, same class but different grades so I went to school in the morning, she went to school in the afternoon. She was good at studying, beautiful, sang well while I was below average in appearance, and my academic performance was mediocre so even though my heart was filled with longing and I couldn't eat or sleep, I only dared to stand far away and steal glances at her through the classroom window or outside the school yard. Maybe it was the magnetic field created by lovesickness or the burning love in my heart that flowed through my eyes so it seemed like she knew I loved her and it seemed like she also noticed me.

At the farewell party for the graduating seniors, I stood there, dumbfounded, watching the beautiful girl on stage sing sweetly… each sentence, each word seemed to be in love with me. “Love is like waves hitting the shore, the waves go back out to sea… why are the waves so heartless, the waves go back out to sea…”.

I was so nervous that I was trembling as I waited for her behind the stage, telling myself that I must confess my love to her tonight. She walked down the stage and walked towards the classroom. I stood blocking the path, staring at her. She also looked at me motionless, her black eyes seemed even bigger in the flickering light and the corner of her pink lips with a crooked tooth trembled slightly... I clenched my fists, hesitated... then turned away as if to run away. Until now, I still don't understand why I did that at that time. I was angry, hated and cursed myself endlessly. Love is the privilege of the brave, and I was a coward.

Then regret, regret… then tormented longing… then vague separation. I joined the army, was discharged and married a wife arranged by my parents. Thao Linh followed her husband to the town after graduating less than a year. My wife was gentle, loved her husband but was reserved like many other women in the countryside. Did I love my wife? Love comes after marriage - whether that is right or wrong I don't know. I loved my wife's tolerance, hard work, and patience and told myself that we would hold hands and go through the rest of our lives together. Then two children were born, then food, clothing, and money with the trivial worries of daily life… The memories of the past that remain in me are the trembling corners of her lips with a spoiled tooth, her big round black eyes with a waiting gaze and the song she hummed on the graduation night. "I still know the most fragile thing... is love... is fragrant love... still feel a loyal love on my shoulder...".

More than twenty years passed like a dream. My wife passed away from a serious illness, my two children went to boarding school, so I applied for a job as a security guard in a factory on the outskirts of town.

One afternoon, stopping to take shelter from the rain on the porch of a small house with a purple trellis of cosmos, I suddenly felt my heart heavy. Looking at the white sky, the wind blowing the trees to sway, watching the water bubbles spin and then burst and float away, I stood still, listening to the loneliness and coldness gently creeping through every corner of my soul.

“I still know the most fragile thing, is love… is fragrant love…” . Someone’s singing voice inside the house blended with the rhythm of the sewing machine, lost in the sound of the rain and wind. I have heard this song many times with many different voices singing with different melodies, but why this time… My heart suddenly skipped a beat and the old excitement suddenly flooded back with each memory of when I first fell in love. The sweet singing voice was like a love message sent to me that colorful night. I knocked on the door, pretending to ask for an acquaintance, and the person who opened the door was indeed her. More than twenty years had passed without seeing her again, but her beautiful eyes were filled with sadness, her crooked tooth, gently pursed at the corner of her lips, how could I forget. She did not recognize me, so she calmly treated me like a strange passerby. She lifted the chair placed outside the porch for me to sit on, then went into the house and quietly bent down to sew. A long time after the rain stopped, I brought the chair back to its original place in the house. Hearing the noise, she looked up at me and was startled when she heard me say:

- I'm going. Thanks Thao Linh!

She opened her eyes wide to look at me, tilted her head and frowned, searching her memory:

- Who are you? Do you know my name?

I looked deep into her eyes, my heart ached as if something was breaking. The love affair had passed. I became a souvenir. She put it in the past. Never took it out. But in fact, between her and me, it wasn't really a love affair. I ran my hand through my wet, graying hair, forced a smile, then turned away as if to run away. Because if I stood there, I wouldn't know what to say or do. I was so angry at myself, over forty years old but no different from the clumsy seventeen-year-old student I used to be.

During the time that followed, I was absent-minded, forgetful and remembering. The first love that I secretly missed and thought had disappeared with time suddenly appeared and overflowed. I made excuses to pass by that house many times but did not dare to stop by, and comforted myself by letting the innocent love of that day be carried away by the wind and drifting clouds. I told myself that, but every time I passed by her house, my face was facing forward but the corners of my eyes caught the door frame covered with purple morning glory flowers. A week passed, and every time I passed by her house, I saw her door closed, to the point that I vaguely wondered if I had really met her again that rainy afternoon.

With a burning heart, I wandered over to my neighbor's house to find out news about her. I asked and found out that she had been in the hospital for a heart attack for several days. The neighbors talked a lot, a lot about her abusive, philandering husband, about her empty divorce, about the hardship of raising her child alone with a squeaky sewing machine for over ten years. I walked unconsciously, my heart aching so much that tears welled up...

I rushed to the hospital, telling myself to be brave and not to delay. I had missed it and not everyone has the opportunity after more than twenty years of change. Touched, nervous, afraid,... many emotions intertwined as I sat next to the bed, gently holding her hand. She was much thinner than the last time we met in the rain. Her big, round black eyes were now filled with sadness and crow's feet. The corner of her lips, with a crooked tooth, smiled and called my name:

- Khac Y, I still recognize you!

I nodded, choked up, unable to say a word. She and I looked at each other like we had met that night more than twenty years ago. My heart felt as if it had expanded many times over, filled with a gentle, sweet feeling. After a long, long time, I whispered:

- I know your situation. I'm living alone too. I will never give up or run away. I'm sorry about that night...

Thao Linh couldn't hear clearly but it seemed like she understood what I wanted to say. Her eyes were sparkling and wet, and her lips were smiling. Her smile had a cute crooked tooth like in the old days. I squeezed her hand tightly, gently kissing each of her skinny fingers. From now on, I will protect you. She closed her eyes to prevent tears from flowing, leaning her head on my shoulder trustingly. In the quiet space, a song suddenly echoed from a coffee shop across the street: "... love... is a fragrant love... still feeling a faithful love on my shoulder..."./.

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