7 secrets of children that low EQ parents often reveal to outsiders, causing them to be hurt

GĐXH - Uncontrolled talking and revealing your children's private information can sometimes cause big trouble for both you and your children.

Harvard University once concluded that a person's ability to succeed in life depends 20% on IQ, while EQ (emotional intelligence) accounts for 80%.

Researchers identify five aspects of emotional intelligence: the ability to recognize emotions, the ability to manage one's own emotions, the ability to tolerate failure, the ability to understand the emotions of others, and the ability to manage interpersonal relationships.

Recently, on the Chinese website Zhihu, there was a hot topic: "How will low EQ parents affect their children?" . A reader said that once, when he was at the airport and saw a person who lost something crying, he was very heartbroken. At that time, he was only a 15-year-old boy. When he told this story to his father, he was scolded: "Children do not understand what heartbreak is. It is none of your business." Another time, he was scolded by his mother for saying that he was tired. The mother said: "You are so young, why are you tired? I am old, but I don't even complain."

Finally, this man said: "I chose to permanently close the door to my inner world with my parents. Although they worked hard to raise me, those careless words day after day left an invisible hole in my childhood and youth."

Famous American psychologist Daniel Goleman wrote in his book: "Emotional Intelligence": "Family life is the first school we learn about emotions. Parents with high EQ will have high EQ children. Parents with low EQ have a negative impact on the development of their children."

Especially the following 5 things, parents with foresight will keep secret, not tell everyone, but parents with low EQ often brag, causing their children to hurt.

Regardless of the psychological motivation, constantly mentioning children's scores in public will cause great harm. Illustration photo

1. Children's scores

A few days ago, Mr. Tran (China) returned to his hometown to attend his grandmother's 90th birthday party. At the dining table, an extremely embarrassing scene occurred.

During the meal, his cousin mentioned her son's test results, constantly praising him for doing well on the test and being in the top 10 of the class.

Hearing her cousin speak, relatives and friends all nodded in approval of their nephew's potential to enter a prestigious university. Seeing that someone was interested, she began to talk endlessly about her son.

At this moment, the son suddenly stood up and said to his mother with a displeased expression: "Mom, please don't show off my scores to everyone anymore."

Seeing that, the cousin argued back: " You did well on the test, with such a high score, let me tell everyone. What's so embarrassing about this?"

This time the boy shouted: "That's my score, not yours. You always talk about this and that, don't you think everyone hates you?"

Having said that, Mr. Tran's nephew rushed out the door.

Mr. Tran's cousin did not understand why mentioning her children's achievements in public made them so resistant and dissatisfied.

In fact, this was not the first time Mr. Tran's cousin had bragged about her child's grades. From a psychological perspective, if a person likes to brag about their child's achievements and grades, it shows that they need to satisfy their own pride.

However, regardless of the psychological motivation, frequently mentioning a child's grades in public will cause great harm.

On the one hand, children are easily embarrassed when their parents show off in public, to maintain this sense of superiority, they need to try to maintain their form, so they will be under pressure. On the other hand, some children may gradually develop complacency and arrogance in response to compliments from others.

Psychological research has also shown that paying too much attention to children's achievements and frequently mentioning their achievements is often not beneficial to their physical and mental development, and will also affect the parent-child relationship.

2. Complain about your child's personality and personal behavior problems

I bet every child in the world has at least once been compared by their parents with the children of relatives or neighbors and then criticized.

But in reality, every child has a unique personality and way of behaving. Even if they are different from other children, that doesn't mean that's wrong.

Comparison is fine, but it affects the child's self-confidence. What is worrying is that some parents like to reveal their child's personality and behavior problems to close friends and colleagues, sometimes even with a complaining and critical attitude.

This will seriously affect the child's growth, and also cause people to misunderstand the child's image.

3. Children's money

Many parents like to brag about their children’s income to relatives and friends. Behind this frivolous boasting is often a desire for recognition and praise from others.

But when face to face, people may say they admire and praise but behind their backs they may be jealous or criticize them because of their boastfulness.

After all, no matter how close the relationship is, you should not show off your children's money and assets because this can cause unnecessary problems, such as being gossiped about behind your back, attracting others to borrow money...

For truly intelligent parents, having promising and capable children is a blessing, not something to brag about to others.

On the other hand, people who talk about how much money their children earn are mostly unclear about the purpose of what they are saying and indirectly cause trouble for their children.

4. Mentioning children's embarrassing things

There was a mother whose son was in 5th grade. One day, she looked through old photos and saw her son "wetting the bed" when he was little.

Initially, the family only knew about these private photos. Unexpectedly, during a parent-teacher conference, the mother chatted with other parents and freely shared photos of her son wetting the bed when he was a child.

Then, this embarrassing image somehow spread throughout the class, the boy was teased by his friends to the point that he didn't want to go to school anymore.

The frustrating thing is that even though the child intended to drop out of school, the mother still felt like she did nothing wrong, she was just happy and it wasn't that serious.

In fact, this mother’s thinking is very common in many families. They think that their children are still young and do not know anything, and they calmly tell their children’s embarrassing stories to others. However, children, like adults, also have feelings of shame and self-esteem.

So, on this issue, parents must change their thinking, treat their children like adults, respect and understand, do not publicize, do not share their children's shameful things.

Many parents think their children are too young to know anything, so they calmly tell others about their children's embarrassing stories. Illustrative photo

5. Children's relationships

When your child reaches a certain age, he or she begins to think about marriage, a major life event.

Love is one thing, but it takes a long journey for both to get married. Many parents often brag about their children's love life. If their child's lover has good conditions, they will brag about it to everyone.

This can cause unnecessary trouble in your child's love relationships.

Children will also lose freedom in love and relationships because they receive a lot of attention, expectations, and comments from everyone.

Whether their children are in love or married, parents should not tell too much about their daughters' private love affairs. This is a way of respecting their children and showing the parents' foresight.

6. Mention your child's plans and dreams

A mother in China asked netizens for their opinions online, saying that she only told her relatives about her daughter's plan to pursue a master's degree.

She did not understand why when relatives asked about her child's future plans, her child showed such a resentful and angry attitude.

Actually, the reason is very simple, just put yourself in the girl's shoes, we can understand what she is going through. Studying for a master's degree requires a lot of pressure, she did not expect her mother to tell her relatives about it.

As a result, within 2 days, almost all of her relatives at home knew about the incident. Relatives called her one after another, some asking about her condition, some giving advice. During that time, she was busy with many things, and had to deal with questions and calls from relatives.

Sometimes a "accidental comment" from parents in front of outsiders can put a lot of pressure on children.

In fact, when parents tell others what their children are doing, it puts a lot of pressure on their children, because many things may not be successful based on hard work alone.

What parents should do is not tell others about their children's plans. It's best to let everything happen quietly. When success is achieved, let everyone know.

7. Family conflicts

Parents and children living under the same roof cannot completely avoid conflicts and disagreements. After all, each generation has its own thoughts and opinions.

Many times children will disagree with their parents, and parents will complain about their children. As a parent, you must be open-minded, tolerant, and proactive in solving existing problems.

When you are a little unhappy, you should not tell everyone that you disagree with your child.

What you think is just a few complaints from outside will actually be the factor causing discord within the family.

When you tell others about your family conflicts and private matters, they may not sympathize with you, but instead will make them laugh at you for not raising your children well.

If your children hear, they may be unhappy and family disagreements may become more serious.

So, with private family matters, we should only discuss them internally.

Source: https://giadinh.suckhoedoisong.vn/7-bi-mat-cua-con-thuong-bi-cha-me-eq-thap-tiet-lo-voi-nguoi-ngoai-khien-chung-ton-thuong-172241121165802381.htm