Wet Floor Case
When psychologist Phuong Hoai Nga climbed all four flights of stairs to get into the house, she found the bathroom overflowing with water, the laundry basket overflowing with dirty clothes, and the carpet soaking wet. Sam (3 and a half years old) and his father both insisted they hadn't done it. "It seems we need to start an investigation," she said, trying to suppress her anger and speaking in a tone befitting a mini Sherlock Holmes. Sam became increasingly cheerful as he answered his mother's questioning, admitting that he was the one who had "helped" the faucet run and spill onto the floor. "Sam, the floor is wet now. If we leave it like this, it's both dangerous and dirty. What should we do?" she asked Sam. In response, Sam said, "We have to clean it up and dry it..."
The author (center) at a book launch event, which also served as a meeting with imperfect parents.
This story about the wet floor in the book "Perfect Parenting" (Vietnam Women's Publishing House and Nha Nam Book Company) is a conversation, about two pages long, between Sam and her mother. Throughout it, Phuong Hoai Nga constantly prompts Sam to talk about playing with water, its impact on household items, the potential harm to people walking on the slippery floor, and finally, what should be done to end it. There's not a single word of scolding or reproach.
The book contains many stories shared. With 15 years of experience in child and adolescent psychology, including 12 years in primary and university education , the stories in the book are all personal and professional experiences of the author, Phuong Hoai Nga.
The psychological stories in "Perfect Parenting" are therefore not based on "empiricism" but on science ; moreover, reality has proven that everything turns out positively. The boy who used to play with water now cleans the floors. Another boy who was often kicked out of class finds work that he considers meaningful… Things gradually improve, and the children grow up.
But the "illusion" of becoming a perfect parent is precisely what author Phuong Hoai Nga wants to help parents avoid. This psychological consultant explains why the book's title includes the word "perfect" with a hyphen: "Parents have the right to aspire to the most beautiful parenting journey possible. However, they are constantly told that they don't need to be perfect, just being the parents of their children is enough."
Ms. Nga said that for many years, she has heard many children share that their fathers hold very high positions and their mothers are very successful, but at home, the children only want their parents to be their fathers and mothers. They don't need their parents to teach them like teachers. Nor do they need their parents to order them around like managers.
The book Perfect Parenting
Parents with identity raise well-rounded children.
She shared: "Listen to your child to see if what you do out of love truly resonates with them. Do they perceive your actions as caring, or do they perceive you as nosy or controlling? Listening to yourself and your child is the key message of this book. Only by listening in this way can parents discover their own identity and their child's."
According to the author of the book "Perfect Parenting," identity is extremely important, especially when faced with countless "schools" of parenting. "Parenting is like work in that if you don't have confidence in what you're doing, you can't express your identity. Without identity in any area of life, you lose your ability to make independent decisions and your composure," Phương Hoài Nga says.
The book "Perfect Parenting" provides various theoretical frameworks to help parents understand themselves, identify their problems, and then adapt their parenting style to suit their children and circumstances. In particular, it helps readers better visualize the psychological traumas their children may experience, or have experienced, and the support they need to grow.
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