Wet Floor Case
When psychology PhD Phuong Hoai Nga climbed all four floors to enter the house, she saw the bathroom was flooded with water, the dirty clothes basket was a bucket of water, the carpet was soaked. Sam (3 and a half years old) and his father said in unison that it was not them who did it. "It seems we have to open an investigation", she tried to suppress her anger to speak in the right Sherlock Holmes tone. Sam became happier and happier as he answered his mother's investigative question, he was the one who "helped" the faucet to run and overflow onto the floor. "Sam, the floor is wet now. If we leave it like that, it will be dangerous and dirty, what should we do now?" she asked Sam. In response, Sam said "We have to clean and dry it"...
The author (center) at a book launch that was also a meeting with imperfect parents.
This wet floor story in the book Perfect Parenting (Vietnamese Women Publishing House and Nha Nam Book Company) is a conversation about 2 pages long between mother and daughter Sam. During that time, Phuong Hoai Nga always suggested that Sam talk about playing with water, its impact on household objects, the possible effects on people walking on slippery floors and finally what to do to end it. Not a single word of scolding or blaming.
There are many stories shared in the book. With 15 years of working in the field of child and adolescent psychology, including 12 years in general and universityeducation , the stories in the book are all personal and professional experiences of author Phuong Hoai Nga.
The psychological stories in Perfect Parenting are therefore not "empiricism" but science , and moreover, reality has proven that everything has turned out positively. The boy who played with water has gone on to clean the floor. Another boy who was often expelled from class has found a job that he considered meaningful... Everything has gradually been completed, and children have gradually grown up.
But the "illusion" of becoming a perfect parent is exactly what author Phuong Hoai Nga wants parents to avoid. This psychological consultant explains why the book's title has two dashes of the word "perfect". "Parents have the right to hope for the best possible parenting journey. However, people always tell them that they don't need to be perfect, they just need to be parents to their children, their own children."
MSc. Nga said that over the years, she has heard many children share that their fathers have big jobs and their mothers are very successful, but when they are at home, they just want them to be their fathers and mothers. They do not need them to teach them like teachers. They also do not need their parents to order them around like managers.
The Perfect Parenting Book
Parents have identity, children are mature
She confided: "Listen to your child to see if the things you do because you love them can feel the love. What you think you care about, can they feel it or do they think you are nosy and controlling. Listening to yourself and listening to your child is the important message of the book. And only by listening like that can parents find their own identity and that of their child."
Identity, according to the author of Perfect Parenting, is extremely important, especially when one is faced with countless "schools" of child-rearing. "Parenting is similar to work in that if you are not confident in what you do, you will not be able to express your identity. Without identity in any area of life, you will lose the ability to make decisions and stay alert," said Phuong Hoai Nga.
Perfect Parenting provides many theoretical frameworks for parents to position themselves, position their problems, and then "steer" their parenting style to suit their children, flexible according to the circumstances. In particular, it helps readers visualize more clearly the psychological traumas that their children may encounter, or have encountered, and need help to grow up.
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