Learn the professional manner of Westerners.

When I started my new job in Switzerland, my boss assigned someone in the team to be my mentor to help me learn and catch up with the work. I was thrilled and proactively built a friendly relationship with my mentor. I planned to practice everything in the book "How to Win Friends and Influence People," hoping to impress her and believing that this would make her wholeheartedly guide me.

Prioritize work efficiency.

I regularly invited her to lunch. During our conversations, I tried to anticipate her thoughts, noting her interests so I could learn more about those topics. I found all sorts of reasons to compliment her, and I gave her small gifts whenever I went on business trips or vacations …

But things didn't go as I expected. At work, she always guided and instructed me very attentively and specifically, fulfilling her role as a mentor, but she maintained a distance from me, although she was very polite and professional. One day, I don't remember exactly what I did, but I think I touched her arm while talking to the group, to show that we were allies in the solution being discussed. A little while later, she messaged me into a small meeting room with just the two of us, and she said, "Phuong, I know you're trying to befriend me. Maybe it's because you like me, or maybe you think it will be good for your work. I want you to know that I'm not comfortable with this. I accepted the role of your mentor because it's part of my paid job. I also need you to keep up with the project's pace so as not to affect the team's progress, but this doesn't mean we'll become friends outside of work. Don't try to do that; it sometimes makes me uncomfortable."

Teamwork in Switzerland. Photo: ARCHIVE

I remember feeling very embarrassed at the time, but I calmly apologized to her. After that, we went back to work as usual.

Six months later, the project our team was in charge of was completed. I was promoted to team leader of another smaller project within a larger corporate project, with a team of over 40 people from more than 10 countries, to be implemented in over 150 countries where the corporation has branches. During the presentation of our new project to the entire team, I requested a specialized technical consultant for my team due to the unique nature of this project. To my surprise, my (former) mentor agreed. I was overjoyed because she was the best in her field.

After the meeting, I asked to speak to her privately. I remember, still trembling, I said, "Thank you so much. I'm truly surprised you're on my team. Does that mean you're not angry with me anymore?" She looked at me in surprise: "I never said I was angry with you. I joined your team because I like this project. The countries your team is responsible for this time have some difficult technical issues that would be great if we could find solutions to. I like this challenge." "Oh, yes!" I felt disappointed again, and while I was trying to figure out how to get out of this situation, she continued, "Phương, learn how to work here. We need to do a good job together before we become friends, or if we're not friends, we can still do a good job together. Don't take it personally!"

We need a professional way of working.

"Don't take it personally!" This is one of the most valuable pieces of advice I've received during my years working in Switzerland.

I admit I was quite confused trying to translate this phrase into Vietnamese. If it means "don't take it personally," that sounds acceptable. However, to better convey the emotional impact of this phrase, I think we should replace the English adverb "personally" with a Vietnamese verb in this context: "self-pity." Don't be so self-pitying!

We Asians value relationships and reputation. Therefore, when working, we tend to build a friendly relationship first, before considering whether we can work together. We need to like each other, be compatible, and feel comfortable working together. But in the Western work environment (where I work), it's different. We need to work professionally. Professionalism here is defined as prioritizing work efficiency, beyond personal feelings about the people we work with. And that's not easy, at least for me, in the early days of adapting to this culture.

Controlling one's ego and managing negative reactions when one's ego is hurt brings many benefits to work and peace of mind. It's a journey filled with internal battles, but the results are well worth it.

There are two fundamental aspects to managing self-esteem. First, it's about being rooted in your own intrinsic values; knowing who you are in given situations so that negative emotions don't affect you. Returning to the story of my mentor, when she bluntly refused to be my friend, I was initially quite hurt. After thinking it through, I no longer felt bad about being rejected; in fact, I respected her even more because she didn't want to be my friend but remained very professional while working with me. That's a role model I need to learn from.

Once we put aside the negative feelings, we worked together seamlessly to complete that project. Then, I was appointed as the team leader for another project. We continued to work well together for the next year; after that, we each went our separate ways in our careers. I haven't seen her since, but I remain grateful to her.

After each project was completed, my boss would collect feedback from the team members about the team leader. One comment that really bothered me was: "Her perfectionism puts unnecessary pressure on us." Initially, I tried to convince myself that their inability to handle pressure wasn't my problem. If I didn't put pressure on them, how could they have completed the work with such high quality? But I was still bothered by that comment. Eventually, when I was honest with myself, I realized that my perfectionism did stem partly from selfishness.

When I honestly acknowledge "that's my problem," I respect the opinions and criticisms of others; I think about improving my shortcomings; I quickly become self-compassionate, self-loving, and discover my own inner values ​​to appreciate myself more.

Ultimately, self-love is different from self-respect. Deep down, self-love is a lack of confidence, while deep down, self-respect is a belief in one's core values.

Source: https://nld.com.vn/van-nghe/hoc-cach-chuyen-nghiep-cua-nguoi-tay-2023081220354252.htm