When caring for a newborn, parents worry about everything.
While taking her morning walk, Ms. Minh (from Vinh Long province) recounted that she had texted her son, Tu, who is currently in Ho Chi Minh City, the other day: "Are you really planning to send your child to your mother to raise?" She asked for clarification because she had only heard rumors from her maternal relatives, while Tu's wife was recovering from childbirth at her parents' house.
Tú immediately texted back to his mother: "Mom, please help me, because I'm out of options." I laughed when I heard her story, thinking about the child. Their first child was welcomed by both sets of parents, relatives, and family. Yet, his wife gave birth just last month, and the following month Tú had to exclaim, "I'm out of options!" It sounds like Tú and his wife have had a dozen children already. It's funny, but completely understandable.
These days, a smooth wedding and childbirth are already a source of joy and relief for those involved, considering the countless cases of infertility, the longing for a child, and the various treatments that fail. But when the child is born, another problem arises: who will care for the child if there is no help from the maternal or paternal grandparents?
Tú and his wife work in the city. If there's no one to look after their child, they have to send him to daycare until his maternity leave is over, so Tú's wife can go back to work. Tú's wife said that a colleague also sent her child to daycare so she could go to work. The daycare costs 7 million dong per month, not including diapers, milk, and sick days... Roughly speaking, it's over 10 million dong per month. That amount almost takes up a whole month's salary for Tú's wife. But choosing to quit her job to care for her older child before returning to work is even more difficult, because finding a job in the current climate isn't easy, not to mention that starting in a new environment is always more challenging.
Parents entrust their newborn babies to strangers, their hearts filled with countless worries. Not only is it expensive, but the anxiety is also unavoidable due to numerous heartbreaking stories in the media about children being sent to the "wrong address." Therefore, having grandparents help care for the children is best. However, not all grandparents are old enough or healthy enough to care for their grandchildren.
Ms. Minh is over 60 years old and not in good health. Just thinking about staying up all night changing diapers and feeding her grandchild, then spending the whole day busy with chores and unable to leave, her life would be drastically disrupted. But because she loves her children and grandchildren so much, she can't bring herself to refuse.
Even the grandparents had to lament their fate.
My older sister went to Japan to take care of her nieces and nephews. The regulations there don't allow stay-at-home mothers to work, so it's like two women taking care of one child, which is less stressful. But when my niece had an unplanned second child, my mother-in-law was overwhelmed with work.
Even though it's just the two of them, my niece still sends her older child, who is 8 months old, to daycare so that the baby can be exposed to a group environment and receive an education from school. Every day, the baby's father goes to work from early morning until late at night. Taking care of the children is entirely up to the mother. Meanwhile, the grandmother is busy at home with the baby, cooking, and doing laundry.
So, despite having gone abroad, when she returned home, she was emaciated, having lost several kilograms. She said, "I was busy all day long." People jokingly said that this made her healthier, because not having work would have made her sick. That being said, at over 60 years old, the most important thing for her is maintaining her own health, doing light exercise, eating well, and getting enough rest—that's ideal, not being constantly busy with newborns. But leaving her to take care of two babies on her own, in a place with no relatives or anyone to rely on, she couldn't bring herself to do it. So she decided to go home and rest for a few days, then go back to help her daughter take care of the grandchildren.
Ms. Minh said that looking back, she realizes how amazing her parents were. She recalled when her mother gave birth to her youngest child. When her father saw her mother in labor, he rushed to call the midwife. At home, only Ms. Minh and her younger brother were with their mother. Her mother couldn't wait for the midwife; just as baby Ut was about to be born, she called out to Ms. Minh, "Bring the basin over!" Ms. Minh quickly pushed the basin in, and baby Ut landed neatly inside. The midwife then finished the rest, and it was over.
After that, the older child took care of the younger one, and Minh's mother didn't even get a chance to rest after giving birth; a few days later she was busy working in the pigsties and chicken coops. Yet, the children grew up healthy and strong.
But times have changed, and you can't impose the views of the present onto the past. How can you tell children in the Alpha generation (born from 2010 onwards) not to access phones and the internet like children of the past, especially when that generation was introduced to smart technology and artificial intelligence from birth?
Therefore, raising a child has changed; it's more difficult and expensive, requiring parents to be thoroughly prepared, both financially and intellectually, to face and overcome all difficulties, only then will they be ready to welcome a new member to their small family.
Source: https://www.sggp.org.vn/thoi-oan-minh-nuoi-con-post798592.html
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