Separation...

Four years ago, unable to bear her husband's patriarchy, jealousy and drinking habit, and having given him advice without success, Ms. Thu in Ninh Kieu district took her son back to her parents' house and temporarily separated from her husband. At this point, Mr. N - Ms. Thu's husband, suddenly came to his senses, repented and tried to save the situation. Although they did not live together, Mr. N often went back and forth to help his wife take their son to school, asking his son to be a bridge to help his wife calm down. Pitying the orphaned grandchild, the grandparents on both sides advised and reconciled. Every time her husband texted to apologize, Ms. Thu opened her heart, clearly stating what her husband had done wrong as well as the grievances she had endured for so long, asking her husband to change. For several months when his wife and children were away from home, Mr. N drank less, looked for a job...

Out of sight but not out of mind, thanks to maintaining good dialogue, both recognized shortcomings, understood each other better, and contributed to eliminating obstacles. Mr. N affirmed that he still loved his wife and children, but sometimes had a hot temper and had difficulty controlling his words, while Ms. Thu also admitted that she was sensitive and petty... Faced with her husband's sincerity, Ms. Thu brought her children back. Currently, they have a second child and a peaceful life. Ms. Thu shared: "For me, the separation period is a necessary step back, reducing conflicts and also giving me a clearer view of what I want and need from my husband. We still have feelings and the conflicts that occurred are not so serious that they cannot be resolved, so we decided to give each other a chance to reconcile."

For nearly a year now, Ms. Cuc and her husband in Cai Rang district have been separated in their own home. In their 17 years of marriage, this is the second time they have been in this situation. Mr. T - Ms. Cuc's husband, works in the media and event organization industry, and is often away from home. After work, he often hangs out with friends and stays out all night. Ms. Cuc has also heard many hints about her husband's extramarital affairs, but tries to endure them. To the family, Mr. T only contributes financially , and is indifferent to everything else, not caring about his wife's birthday, wedding anniversary, parties, relatives, etc. With the birth of her two children, Ms. Cuc is under even more pressure, having to work while taking care of her family and children. Every time Ms. Cuc intends to divorce, both parents dissuade and wholeheartedly advise her.

When they first separated, Mr. T moved back to his mother's house. A few months later, he returned, promising to change, but his old habits remained. Out of love for his children, Ms. Cuc let it go. Then she discovered that her husband had a deep relationship with his ex-lover. Afraid of affecting their children who were taking important exams, Ms. Cuc and her husband agreed to temporarily separate, each doing their own thing and knowing their own business. Mr. T still went home but stayed in his own room, rarely ate at home, if he did, he ate alone or with his children; the couple also limited communication to avoid conflicts. Mr. T just indulged in outside pleasures, and his wife did not bother to remind or ask about him. Ms. Cuc confided: “Perhaps this is the deepest hurt I have had on the journey of marriage, more sadness than joy. I do not have high dreams, just hope that my husband will care, encourage, and help me take care of the family, but I only receive indifference, it is difficult to connect. When my children are stable in school, I will rearrange everything. If this situation continues, I will have to boldly end the marriage.”

Last year, after his son graduated and had a stable job, Mr. H in Ninh Kieu district and his wife divorced after more than 4 years of separation. Previously, there were too many conflicts between the two people stemming from Mr. H's wife having an affair, so the two sides often argued and ended in a cold war. At first it was a few days, then it lasted for a few weeks, a few months... Things that seemed small silently eroded the relationship. To avoid conflicts and tension, Mr. H built an additional attic and moved his belongings there, the couple shared a common path but lived far apart, each in their own corner. They still cooperated to take care of the children, still shared finances but no longer had empathy. The hurt was so great that Mr. H lost trust when his wife intended to reconcile. Seeing no results, Mr. H's wife also gave up. Prolonging the situation only made them more tolerant of each other and also had a negative impact on the children's psychology, so they divorced.

Many people compare separation to a “trial by fire” period to re-evaluate the relationship and consider whether the marriage is worth keeping or whether it is time to say goodbye. When a couple agrees to separate, they need to discuss, behave tactfully, respectfully, and avoid words or actions that discredit the other person. At the same time, they need to continue to fulfill their common responsibilities such as taking care of the family, parents, children, etc. If there are still feelings, face each other with sincerity, give each other a chance, find common ground, and work together to change for the better. If it cannot be saved, accept letting go…

KIEU CHINH

Source: https://baocantho.com.vn/ly-than--a186778.html