Preventing mother-in-law from crazy worshiping at the beginning of the year, daughter-in-law 'numb' hearing scolding

On the fourth day of Tet, I was left speechless arguing with my mother-in-law about ancestral worship rituals. I don't know when my family will finally be free from this ordeal.

I have been a daughter-in-law for 10 years. For the past 10 years, I have lived with the smell of incense because my mother-in-law is a fanatic.

My father-in-law died in 2017 due to stomach cancer. Since that day, my mother-in-law has been more and more absorbed in worshipping. She said that everyone in life has a destiny and debt, and my father-in-law died early because he had to pay his debt to life.

Those who want to reduce their debt from previous lives or this life have no choice but to diligently worship their ancestors and gods.

Illustration: Thach Thao

The time when she worships the most is at the beginning of the year. Every year, from the 4th day of Tet onwards, my house is filled with incense smoke. She prays for the beginning of spring, for the removal of bad luck, for longevity and for good fortune in business for my husband and I...

Every year when she went to see a fortune teller at the beginning of the year, if the fortune teller unfortunately said that her house had some kind of problem, she would make even more offerings. Offerings at home were not enough, she also prepared a large feast to offer at temples, pagodas, etc.

However, the worship that shocked me the most was the ceremony to dispel bad luck at the beginning of the year. Every year when I went to see a fortune teller, she always said that my family would have bad luck. Some years it was bad luck with illness, some years it was bad luck with money, and sometimes it was bad luck with mother and child, or with husband and wife...

For each ceremony, she buys votive paper, filling a room. There are gold coins, clothes, hats, vehicles and two huge paper horses. After the ceremony, they are burned, the smoke billowing... Each ceremony like that costs 20-30 million VND.

My husband’s family is not rich. My husband and I have a normal income. For the past few years, I have been selling online, so I have some income and saved a little money. However, we still do not have enough money to renovate our old house.

Yet every New Year, after spending a large sum of money on Tet, my husband and I have to give money to my mother-in-law to perform one ceremony after another, and make offerings from one place to another. Seeing the pile of votive paper burned to ashes, my heart feels like it has been rubbed with salt.

I've hinted at it to my mother-in-law many times, but she ignores me as if she didn't hear anything. I told my husband, and he said, "Mom is doing this for the good of the whole family. Let's just consider it a purchase of good luck and health."

What kind of health or good fortune can be bought through such rituals and offerings?

On the fourth day of the Lunar New Year, I heard my mother-in-law talking again about rituals to ward off bad luck and to inaugurate the new year... This time, she even wanted to invite a shaman to the house to perform the ceremony. They had written down a long list of things to prepare, all sorts of bizarre items.

I couldn't take it anymore and strongly objected. I told my mother-in-law she could offer whatever she wanted, but only one meal. As for the paper offerings, I told her to cut them out completely to avoid waste.

My mother-in-law, of course, wouldn't accept it. She scolded me, calling me godless and saying that turning my back on the gods would soon lead to retribution and the downfall of my entire family.

Her reproaches made my ears ring, but I resolutely refused to give in to her wishes and give her money to prepare for the ritual.

I control the family finances. In the past, partly out of respect for my husband and partly because I wanted a peaceful family, I followed her wishes. This year, even if my mother-in-law curses me, I will not follow these worshipping rituals.

Source: https://giadinh.suckhoedoisong.vn/ngan-me-chong-cuong-cung-bai-dau-nam-con-dau-u-tai-nghe-loi-nhiec-moc-172250208215607226.htm