Don't take up more of your parents' time!

In many families, when children give birth, it also means that parents in the countryside have to leave their homes to go to the city to help their children take care of their grandchildren. Many parents consider it their responsibility, accepting to sacrifice the time that should be spent on enjoying their old age. Children forget that, with grandparents taking care of their grandchildren, they are taking away the little time their parents have left.

Why only take…

Every morning, in many apartment buildings in Ho Chi Minh City, it is not difficult to see the image of grandparents diligently pushing strollers, holding fans to take their grandchildren to sunbathe and take a walk. Many people carry bags, hold hands, and hug their children to school, adding a plastic basket to prepare to go to the market to buy food for the whole day.

Taking care of grandchildren. Photo: VAN TUAN

Sitting on a stone bench, Mrs. Thu (from Gia Lai ) rubbed her feet "wanting to protest" and said: "Every day, rain or shine, I wake up at 6am, take my grandchild to school, then go to the market to buy fresh food for the whole family. When I get home, I'm busy with my little grandchild so that his parents can get to work on time."

Mrs. Thu calculated that she had left her hometown for nearly 6 years, since her daughter gave birth to her first child. When her grandchild just entered kindergarten, she planned to return to her hometown to plow the field and take care of the garden that had been abandoned for many years, but then she heard that her daughter was pregnant with her second child. “We almost stopped attending death anniversaries and weddings in the countryside. After two or three days back home, she hurried back,” Mrs. Thu sighed. She was eagerly waiting for the day of “retirement” when her grandchild was about to go to school, but then her youngest daughter, who had just gotten married, announced that she was pregnant. Mrs. Thu continued: “So I prepared to migrate again, from my sister’s house to my younger sister’s house. Actually, I could not have left, but I was worried that they would have to quit their jobs to take care of the children. I had to try to take care of my children because of the bad weather. Many days, my legs hurt and my body ached, but I still had to try to take care of my grandchild.”

Also because of her love for her son, Mrs. Mai (living with her son in Go Vap ward, Ho Chi Minh City) had to leave home and go all the way to Dak Lak to take care of her grandchildren and help her son with his work. Her face was pale and ashen, she said that these days she could not walk because of varicose veins in her legs, and her mind was always spinning due to cerebral anemia. On the day of her follow-up examination, Mrs. Mai had to return to Ho Chi Minh City alone because her son and his wife were busy managing the family homestay and could not go with them.

Mrs. Mai said that every day she had to worry about feeding and cleaning her grandchild, taking her to school, and then helping her clean and do the laundry... "The work was like a shuttle from day to day. Only when it was time for a medical examination could I return to Ho Chi Minh City for a few days, also to take a break. Once, I had to fly out the next day because my grandchild was sick and kept crying for her," Mrs. Mai said with a sigh.

Precious time fund

In fact, many young couples decide to settle down in big cities. When they have children, it is almost natural for them to rely on their grandparents to look after their grandchildren. Part of the pressure comes from the pressure of making a living, housing, and expenses, making it difficult for them to take care of their children. Part of the responsibility for looking after their grandchildren comes from the grandparents' love, longing, and joy of having grandchildren. Both Mrs. Mai and Mrs. Thu admitted that when they heard the news of having grandchildren, they voluntarily arranged all their work to help their children. This gives them more joy.

But over time, when having to take on many roles at the same time: “unpaid nanny”, “substitute housewife”, that joy gradually becomes a burden. Not to mention, adapting to the crowded, noisy, polluted urban environment and new living habits is not easy.

Ms. Thanh (living with her son in Tan Hoa ward, Ho Chi Minh City) said that since taking care of her daughter-in-law who gave birth 6 months ago, all the housework has naturally fallen to her. Her daughter-in-law's sole responsibility is to breastfeed her son. Sometimes, feeling frustrated, she wanted to tell her son about the matter, but then she told herself that for the sake of family peace, she would have to suffer a little loss.

For children, having grandparents help take care of their grandchildren is a blessing - both economical and reassuring. However, few people realize that, in the joy of being together with their children and grandchildren, their parents are having to sacrifice a lot. They have to leave behind their homes, fields, neighbors, and spouses to live alone in their hometowns, giving up all the pleasures and privacy of old age.

They are lending their children the precious remaining time of their lives, which should be spent resting, on their own hobbies and joys. Not everyone dares to refuse, sometimes because they are afraid of being seen as "selfish", sometimes because they are worried that their grandchildren will not be well taken care of when their parents have to go to work. And, not every child has the mentality and conditions to have their grandparents take care of their grandchildren, to have their own space and time, to play with them and rest properly. And, just like that, the rule of "taking care of children, then taking care of grandchildren" is like "debt in equal installments", love turns into responsibility, and bondage into obligation.

When they reach retirement age, parents have completed their mission of raising their children, getting married, and getting married. That should be the time for them to live fully together, spend time traveling , tending to the garden, meeting friends, or doing whatever they like that has been swept away by the busyness of youth. Children, instead of taking more, should give more - give parents the joy of enjoying the happiness of gathering with their children and grandchildren without any responsibility or pressure. Parents' time is not endless. They have given us their whole life...

MINH KHOI

Source: https://www.sggp.org.vn/dung-lay-them-thoi-gian-cua-cha-me-post819968.html