3 trays of gifts and 3 million dowry: Shouldn't the bride ask for a dowry?

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The article "The bride's family was surprised when she received only 3 trays and 3 million VND in dowry" posted on Tuoi Tre Online received a number of responses from readers, divided into two streams of opinion.

Some defended and others criticized the bride when she said that on the wedding day, she and her family were extremely surprised, angry, and even almost canceled the wedding when the groom's family only brought 3 trays, 3 million VND in dowry (also known as the wedding challenge, black ceremony) and 1 tael of gold.

This is completely different from the previous agreement between the two parties, because when proposing, the groom promised to bring a dowry of 9 trays, 50 million VND and 2 taels of gold.

And the groom's mother's intention to reduce the number of gifts was right before the wedding. She thought that doing so would save money, and she would keep the remaining gifts for her son.

There is quite a bit of debate on this.

Don't ask for anything, just be happy?

An account named Binh Dang believes that it is best not to accept any gifts, because gifts are debts. "In this era of gender equality, women should not ask for too much. As for pride and beauty, how much is enough? One family looks at another and demands to be equal or better. That is competition, it is ugly, not beautiful at all," this reader wrote.

Reader Thu Huong said that the wedding trays, wedding money, and elaborate wedding ceremonies are useless. What matters is whether the two people love each other and work together to build a happy future.

She said that when she got married, there was only a small party, no trays of gifts or dowry, and no bride-picking. "After the wedding, my husband and I went to work the next day. It's been 22 years and we're still happy, we can buy whatever we want, and our children are well-behaved," she wrote.

Also sharing her story, Ms. Tran Tuyen said that the girl in the story is still happy because she has a loving husband. She said that she got married with only 4 trays and 5 million, and had to take out her own ring to make a wedding ring.

"After the wedding, my husband's family took back my motorbike. My husband took my motorbike and drove it. I walked. Sometimes I borrowed a colleague's motorbike. When I bought land to build a house, my husband's family only gave me 10 taels of gold and gave them to me, not all at once. I thought, let them treat me however they want. If I live well with everyone and live happily, God will see," she said.

Two male readers, Pham Duc Thuan and LCH, have the opinion that we should not put too much emphasis on gifts or what outsiders say, the important thing is that the couple lives happily.

"15 years ago, I didn't even know there was a black ceremony at my wedding. When I got to the wedding venue, I didn't have any money with me. I just randomly put in 1 million VND and no one said anything afterwards. The gossip was all about making things difficult for ourselves. No one had the time to ask why the black ceremony was so small.

Some people say it's rude, if the two families don't talk about it, then why would outsiders? It's enough for a couple to be happy. We live for ourselves, not for others, so why bother about something so trivial," Pham Duc Thuan wrote.

"16 years ago, my parents also brought 3 trays of gifts + 2 million VND to the bride's family, while at that time it was normally 5, 7, 9 or even 11 trays. However, my wife's parents happily accepted and we have been happily married until now. Don't be too burdened with such gifts to affect the couple's happiness," LCH wrote.

Courtesy can be reduced, but don't "go back on your word" when you've made a promise.

On the other hand, reader Duy commented that the wrong person in the story was the mother-in-law, who broke her promise after holding her grandchild. Everything must be discussed together and cannot be done arbitrarily.

Sharing the same view, reader Vu Nguyen said that etiquette can be moderated and reduced, but must be discussed and agreed upon. After agreement, it must be implemented properly to show sincerity.

"In my country, on the wedding day, the groom's family must meet 100% of the bride's family's requirements to show sincerity, and also to show gratitude to the bride's family for spending effort and money to raise their children for decades so that they can now take her home as a daughter-in-law," said Mr. Phan Trong Chinh .

From the perspective of the elderly, reader Pham Thiet Hung said that before the wedding, on the day of the engagement ceremony (also known as the engagement ceremony) of both sides, the number of items, money, date, and time of reception were all discussed with the children, clearly negotiated so that on the wedding day there would be no bargaining or arguing.

When the date comes, the groom's family must do exactly what was agreed upon with the bride's family. "Absolutely no changes or cuts are allowed, such as reducing the dowry tray, reducing the money in the red envelope, or pretending to give gold to the daughter-in-law as a gift, then the husband's family will use the excuse of keeping it for them and never return it. All of these actions will cause discord between the two families, and the children will never be happy," this reader emphasized.

Expressing his thoughts, Oscar Khuong wrote: "I think it seems like the husband's family doesn't value their daughter-in-law. Just the story of "mom keeps the money for you" is classic. It's easier to accept saying "sorry kids, our family is poor and can only afford this much". Here we need to talk about the husband's role, it seems like he's not mature enough yet."

Besides, this reader also said that nowadays everyone likes democracy and modernity. Only when it comes to money and needing parents' help do they talk about tradition. "When you grow up, get married and have children, you should earn money to pay for your own wedding."

Source: https://tuoitre.vn/ruoc-dau-3-trap-voi-3-trieu-tien-thach-cuoi-co-dau-khong-nen-doi-hoi-sinh-le-hay-sao-20240510190259251.htm