Wet and dry cloth - The thread of mother's love

In the traditional wedding space of the Tay people, when the village chief (representative of the groom's family) raised his voice to read the ritual poem in the Tay language: "On the wet side, mother lies, on the dry side, child sleeps/ The groom offers this wet cloth/ For mother to sew new clothes/ For many nights of getting wet for her child...", the ceremony of offering the "dry wet cloth" (called Lam khau in the Tay language) took place solemnly and emotionally. This is one of the special rituals, performed after the singing and the custom of welcoming the bride in poetry between the two families, imbued with the culture of the ancient Tay people.

The groom's family's gifts are brought to the bride's family in the traditional Tay wedding ceremony.

The cloth is hand-woven from cotton, 10 to 20 meters long and about 20 centimeters wide. Half of the cloth is dyed red or pink, representing the wet part, while the other half remains white, representing the dry part. In some places, the two ends of the cloth are rolled in red, depending on the customs of each region. Although it is just a simple cloth, in the wedding ceremony, it has a profound spiritual value, symbolizing maternal love and gratitude.

The moment the bride’s mother receives the cloth, her wrinkled hands trembling, her eyes filled with tears, is the most sacred moment of the wedding ceremony. At that moment, the simple cloth seems to connect the past and the present, between the tolerant motherly love and the present life.

In the groom's family's offering tray, there is a wet and dry cloth (black roll with red border) to offer to the bride's mother, expressing gratitude for her upbringing.

According to the elders, the “wet and dry cloth” is the gift that the son-in-law gives to his mother-in-law to express his gratitude for the birth and upbringing. Folklore has it that in the past, on rainy days, the diapers did not dry in time, the mother had to turn the wet part towards herself, leaving the dry part for her child to sleep peacefully. From that profound sacrifice, the Tay people created the ceremony of offering the “wet and dry” cloth, as a humane symbol of motherly love.

Ms. Ma Thi Bich Hien, Noong Phuong village, Minh Quang commune shared that she had attended many Tay weddings in her hometown, and she always saw the "Lam Khau" cloth that the son-in-law gave to his mother-in-law to show gratitude to the woman who gave birth to him and raised him with great difficulty. Other wedding gifts could be simplified, but this cloth was a must.

Many years later, when her daughter gave birth, the mother opened the old wooden box, took out the cloth, and cut a piece to make a baby carrier for her grandchild. That baby carrier had the color of time and the warmth of her hands. Mrs. Ma Thi Nam, 75 years old, in Ca village, Bang Hanh commune, said that on the day her daughter gave birth, she took out the cloth and cut a piece to make a baby carrier, and kept the rest in the box. Every time she looked back, she remembered the years of raising her child, as if a part of her life was still wrapped in that cloth.

The village chief read a poem in Tay language.

Young people today may not remember every word of the poem, but when they see the “wet and dry cloth”, everyone can feel the warmth of motherly love. In that simple cloth is the image of a Tay woman who stayed up all night, turning over each blanket, leaving the dry part for her child.

Although life has changed and many ancient rituals have been simplified, in the Tay villages in Tuyen Quang , the ritual of offering "wet and dry cloth" is still respected and preserved as a sacred thread connecting tradition and filial piety, weaving together a lasting cultural beauty with a thousand-year-old culture.

Article and photos: Canh Truc

Source: https://baotuyenquang.com.vn/van-hoa/du-lich/202510/tam-vai-uot-kho-soi-day-cua-tinh-me-3231674/