To keep the flame of marriage alive, couples need to be tactful in their words and actions – Illustration: QUANG DINH
Without finishing his story, he took off his shoes, put on his sandals, and sped home on his motorbike. He was afraid that even a little bit longer would be too much of a strain on his ears.
Even working two jobs to earn money gets you criticized.
As a programmer, Mr. Hoa's income was quite good compared to the average. Every month, he transferred almost all of his salary to his wife, keeping only 5 million VND for pocket money. Everything was normal when they first got married. As time went on, he felt annoyed and burdened by his wife's constant comparisons.
"At first, my wife kept asking why I gave her so little of my salary, and if I was keeping any money hidden. She investigated for months on end, which put more pressure on me than going to work," he recounted.
Later, he discovered that his wife had read an online article discussing the salaries of IT professionals. "My wife saw everyone boasting about salaries of $3,000-$4,000 or even over a hundred million dong, so she assumed everyone working in this industry earned that much," he shared.
Mr. Hoa recounted having to explain that while salaries in this industry are high compared to other professions, the industry itself is highly fragmented. He confided, "Some people earn $5,000 a month, while others earn 15 million VND. Even though I'm not among the highest earners, I'm doing reasonably well, but she's still not satisfied."
Every other day, his wife would lecture him, asking why some people online who studied IT earn more than him. Then she'd turn to him and say something like, "Why can they do it, but you can't?" She even doubted his ambition.
Hearing his wife's words, he understood. They hadn't bought a house in the city yet and were spending money on rent every month. He realized this because if he didn't work to increase his income, he wouldn't be able to buy a house.
Under pressure, he went online and took on freelance app development work for a client in Europe. He worked at the company during the day and spent his nights programming until 2 or 3 in the morning.
Because he worked multiple jobs, Mr. Hoa had to stay up late and wake up early, leaving him with little time for his wife and children. Meanwhile, during the summer, his wife saw photos on Facebook of her friends going to the beach with their husbands, and she complained: "I married an inconsiderate husband. He hasn't taken me and the kids anywhere all summer long."
He sighed, "I thought that with the divorce papers in front of me, I would sign them immediately without thinking. But I managed to control my anger."
Comparison leads to improvement?
Regarding the wives, Ms. Ngoc T. (31 years old, residing in Bien Hoa City, Dong Nai Province) said that comparison is probably a woman's nature. In moments of reflection, she realizes that she also has her share of envy and longing. But she still finds ways to vent her frustrations and expectations of her husband whenever she has the chance.
She argued, "Comparison is necessary for progress and improvement. I have to compare, because I'm so anxious seeing my friends buying houses and land. Their husbands are rapidly advancing in their careers, while mine remains so indifferent."
The couple doesn't feel pressured to buy a house because the husband's parents are giving them money. Both sets of parents have steady incomes, so they don't have a heavy financial burden, but the wife always feels insecure. She expressed: "Every time I go to the market, prices skyrocket, and I feel worried, so I... transfer some of this worry to my husband."
She said that if she didn't compare herself to others, or brag to her husband about things like, "A's family just bought a plot of land in an alley in Ho Nai," or "B's husband just bought a car to take his wife out for weekend trips," her husband wouldn't have the motivation to strive for success.
When asked if the method was effective, she sighed: "Even though I talk to him about it every day, he seems immune. I don't see any change at all."
The vicious cycle of comparing other people's husbands and wives creates tension in young families. However, this is difficult to resolve when those involved are dissatisfied and fail to see the positive qualities of their partner.
Men also implicitly compare "this mountain, that mountain."
When asked if men compare themselves to women in the same way, Quoc Vinh (37 years old, from Tien Giang province) replied yes. However, he said that his group of friends only started making comparisons when they approached 40.
"It wouldn't be true to say men don't compare themselves to others, but they usually do it discreetly and don't grumble as much as women do," Vinh said with a laugh.
Source: https://tuoitre.vn/vi-sao-so-sanh-voi-chong-nguoi-ta-20241117103501994.htm
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