Parents compete to show off their achievements, I am depressed because my child has low scores

After days of intense studying with my child to get through the semester exams, I thought I would finally have some time to rest and recover. However, when the school announced the results, parents on the class group chat started showing off their child's scores, leaving me feeling even more depressed and exhausted than before the exams.

There was more boasting than encouragement.

Normally, the class group chat is mainly where the homeroom teacher announces academic progress, school information, and reminds students to pay fees. Most people only respond with likes or short replies to confirm they've read her messages. However, when exam results come out, the group chat becomes much more lively. Parents with high-scoring children compete to send their report cards, all with 9s and 10s, to the group. They also don't hesitate to share them across social media.

To achieve such high results, the children must have put in a great deal of effort in their studies, perhaps even enduring strict parental guidance. Showcasing their achievements is one way for parents to acknowledge their children's hard work and encourage them to maintain their excellent performance.

There's less encouragement for the children and more showing off their achievements (Photo: T.T) — There's less encouragement for the children and more showing off their achievements (Photo: TT)

Appropriate praise not only helps children achieve higher grades, but also motivates those with lower scores to try harder. However, messages in class groups are mostly about boasting about rankings and grades, with little encouragement or motivation.

Besides showcasing their children's achievements, these parents don't forget to share about the "extraordinary" things they've done for their children, such as braving the sun and rain to pick them up and drop them off, staying up late and waking up early to help them study, choosing excellent teachers and books, etc. All these actions are ultimately done in the hope of receiving praise and admiration from others.

After recounting all the difficulties and hardships, I inevitably received dozens of congratulatory and complimentary messages from other parents, mostly those whose children also achieved high scores. This mutual praise inevitably left those of us with low-scoring children feeling exhausted.

Children unintentionally become victims.

My son is in 8th grade this year, and my wife and I agree that we don't place too much emphasis on grades. However, seeing other parents constantly showing off their grades while my child's are low has negatively impacted me. Reading report cards and messages about the study and revision process of high-scoring students, I couldn't help but yell at them.

My questioning of my son about why, despite having the same tutors and teachers, student A got the highest grades in the class, and student B achieved perfect scores in Math, Physics, and Chemistry, made him turn pale with worry. Then, after my anger subsided, I blamed myself for those unwarranted scoldings that frightened and pressured him. More than anyone, I know he tried very hard for the recent semester exams.

Showing off grades inadvertently turns children into victims.

In one particular case, two students who were once close friends suddenly stopped being friends because their parents showed off their grades on the class group chat. The other day, on the way home from school, my child told me about how two classmates almost got into a fight because the mother of the student with high grades boasted about it on the group chat, causing the mother of the student with low grades to scold her child, even though the two friends had been very close before.

I was shocked to hear the boy's story; it turns out that seemingly harmless actions by parents can have such a significant impact on their children. High grades and good achievements certainly offer more choices for the future, but that doesn't fully prove an individual's ability. At the same time, low grades don't necessarily mean children aren't smart.

It's difficult to say whether or not it's right to show off a child's grades, because ultimately, what parent wouldn't be proud of their child's achievements? Especially when those results are the product of so much hard work and effort from both the child and the parents.

However, I think parents whose children get high scores should be more subtle in expressing their joy in class groups or on social media so that parents of students with lower scores, like us, don't feel left out. This would also avoid creating additional pressure on their children during exams, forcing them to always maintain the top position in the class or grade level.

Currently, my husband and I have both turned off notifications on the class group chat, waiting until the trend of showing off grades dies down before turning them back on to keep up with our children's daily class updates. I don't want these frivolous trends to affect my emotions and inadvertently cause me to say angry things to my husband and children.

Tran Thu Trang (Parent)

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